‘Fatt Stevie’ switch paying handsome dividends for KING B Campaign

IMG_1452-tiltshift-002A campaign veteran, having elections in the Glens& Ballycastle, King B is no stranger to the cut and thrust of a balloting drive. But the Councillor notes the difference this time round and acknowledges the campaign is a minefield of dirty tricks. He has been attempting to deflect a smear campaign launched in unison by the three pretenders including a hint at the dawning of the Green & White of Carey in his twilight years.

“I enjoyed my time with the Faughs and I will always be grateful to the Club for giving me the opportunity to do battle with Glen Rovers in Armoy. They told me it was a rivalry similar to the ‘Old Firm’ and so I took comfort in the knowledge that we were the team in Green & White.


“One of my lead men in last year’s Council election ‘Fatt’Stevie sold out and moved to ‘Camp Dowie’. Initially concerned I feel I have pulled a masterstroke in recruiting his father Kevin Mc Garry who has thrown everything at this election campaign. It must be embarrassing for the Junior wing as the Senior Mc Garry is exhibiting the panache and stamina of a man half his age.

Kevin Mc Garry has been a committed Ballycastle man since his transfer from city side Linfield in the early 80’s. He notes the competition is strong and accepts that King B has a real fight on his hands.

“We have introduced a dynamic new way of obtaining votes and will be pulling out all the stops in the coming weeks. There can be no doubt that Padraig will have to atone for his sins of the past so he will be placed in the stocks and the people of Ballycastle will be allowed to pelt him for a small fee. His culinary skills will be tested as he will be doing a Special night in the Clubrooms on Saturday the 9th of March. Other events have been planned and will be advertised in due course.


“I have no problems representing Padraig and managing his campaign. When we look around the contenders they must all acquiesce to one outstanding difference? Not only did King B spill some blood but he donated quite a bit as a cursory glance at his oul head would confirm. Who among the challengers could dare to question the commitment in the Black & Amber? It’s fair to note that if he had a draw back it was his inability to grasp the concept of the yellow and red cards system. He did watch one or two second half’s from the sidelines. The great hand that used to catch the sliothar for McQuillans will witness Kings A, C, & D eat from it on the 16th of March”, said Kevin.

Some tickets still available......

Some tickets still available……

Padraig continued;

“Our strength lies in the Districts we represent. Those fine establishments, O Connor’s, The Central and Carrick-a-rede, will be pulling out all the stops to elect me King. Upon my election as King of the Castle, I have decreed a move to repel the late licensing laws for these three special places of worship. All taxes on food and drink will be abolished and the Shamrocks will NEVER win another county title.

Moving on to his competitors, this is what the Councillor had to say.

“Is a man a great lover because he has the price of a brothel in his pocket? Is the General with his armoured cars and tanks and guns a great Military Strategist because he wipes out a village of unarmed peasants? I believe my fellow contestants would answer yes to both these questions. They believe they have the right to be king, but the right has to be earned. After all, they could only lust after the Black & Amber Jersey. When it came to the hard graft, the wailing and gnashing of teeth, the blood, sweat and tears, they were little more than ‘Hurlers in the ditch’. Can we allow any of these court jesters to be King? I doubt it!

King A.



A legend and an honourable opponent! His campaign has been full on and he is deserving of the role of second place. However, someone should attempt to contain his absurd optimism before the inevitable disappointment on the 16th of March. He has played the sympathy card with poise and I will ensure he is in receipt of a card and a tissue come the results.





King C.



Simple mathematics would indicate I face one of the strongest advocates for votes in Big Dowie. The Gentle Giant has the ability to rip this race wide open am I am conscious of the threat he poses. Unknown quantity to date, but I’m predicting a joint second place.





King D



I have listened to the vague babbling’s about this budgie who would be King. I am not simply being dismissive here but this is not an extremely complex being.

New to Facebook he believes it to be a dating site. It is this candidate who introduced the odious side to the campaign. Eddie the Ego has tarnished and besmirched the crown but he leads the lifestyle we all adore. An extremely proud Mc Quillans man I suggest a joint second place finish.


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